That love brings happiness

By Gede Prama, Happiness is the wish of most people in this age. Everybody, from children to adults, desires it. Most of our activities as studying, working, praying, even doing social services, are in pursuit for happiness. In Dalai Lama’s words, there is one similarity among us: evading suffering and wanting happiness!

It is obviously depicted here that happiness has become a magnet alluring numerous life. Unfortunately, no matter how intense are we being dragged by the enticement of happiness, most of us are unable to discover it. The crowded mental asylums, the greatly increased stress level, depression that might be found in any place, violence which does not seem to be decreased, higher rate of suicide cases in most parts of the world, human conflicts that could not be solved over centuries, and burning clash between terrorists and governments, show us how rare happiness is.

Another data worth to be mentioned here is the vast development of meditation centers (in the West it is even reported that the growth is more than 100% per year), the widely spreading of books, CDs and VCDs about happiness, and the emerge of plenty remarkable masters that mainly speak about happiness (as Shakti Gawain, James Redfield, Wayne Dyer and Thich Nhat Hanh in the West, as well as Dalai Lama, J. Krishnamurti, Osho, Ramana Maharsi, Nisargadatta Maharaj and Ramakrishna in the East). Altogether, happiness has become both a gigantic magnet and a rare thing.

Moreover, in an era where war and hatred between nations and humans keep on increasing, terrorists with their howling violence machines, and natural disasters that struck here and there, happiness is not only rare but seemed as making further and even further distance. Thus raises an immense query for a lot of people: does God still spare happiness for mortals?

This is indeed an intriguing question which might be followed by numerous speculative ideas and beliefs. By still respecting other speculative ideas, may this brief and simple book contributes another point of view toward happiness and, at the very least, provides an alternative to be attempted.

The Happiness that comes and goes

The most dominant expression of happiness in this era is as a sought after and purchased commodity. Some acquire happiness through the purchasing of house, car, new clothing, cosmetic, artificial hair, drugs, and even through plastic surgery. Some other seek happiness through position, fame, wealth, money, deposit, and reputation. Furthermore, as have already felt by numerous persons, all kinds of happiness originated from outward and purchased share the same nature: they come and go!

They provide a moment of joy upon arrival and left the seed of sorrow upon departure, causing incalculable tremors in life for it is human’s nature to cling to happiness and refuse to be separated from cheerfulness. Hence people encounter agonies when life has to move away from happiness. Observing the rhythm of life in big cities such as New York, Paris, London and Jakarta we will recognize that everything is moving promptly and hastily. People walk hurriedly, talk rapidly, decide quickly, and of course they will die swiftly as well. What are they pursuing but happiness. Therefore, hounded is their life; like cat chasing its own tail. The faster it runs, the faster its tail lopes.

Along with the demanding pursuit for happiness, the numbers of divorce, child addiction to drugs, crime, corruption and collusion, are increasing. As if presenting a feedback to us all that every kind of happiness rooted outward are corrupted. They are easy to be pulled out and thrown away by the wind of life.

Understanding this reality, in eastern regions (as Japan, Korea and China) bamboo tree becomes the most admired counselor of life•) and there are several reasons for this. First, bamboo is strong because it roots strongly inward  into  the  ground  (it  differs to modern people’s happiness that roots outward). In its quality as a counselor of life, bamboo teaches that in order to gain a long-lasting happiness one ought to seek the inward sources as the quality of companionship with life and the deep gratitude of all the blessings and surrounding people. Secondly, bamboo is among a few plants that is constantly fresh in all seasons though it is not fruitful nor blooms. This is also different from common people those are “fresh” only when their life is abundant and flourish (by possession of wealth, promising career, fame, graduated children, et cetera). Thirdly, upon growing tall bamboo will bow; in contrast to nowadays’ life that seeks to get higher and even higher. Life is exhausted by the never ending desires thus it should be balanced by modesty. Most of all, bamboo is empty inside. In the East, emptiness is a symbol of perfection (as in Mandala). The main reason for many people to be easily tempered and irritated is because they are loaded inside with ego and over pride. The meaning of emptiness in this bamboo analogy is to learn perceiving all as already perfect as they are and therefore do not need for further explanation and understanding (empty). Unfortunately, this is the most difficult thing to

be done in this present time so we can understand that happiness has become a rare commodity because people are so loaded inside (with things as ego, wants, hatred, anger, conflict and competition). Enlightened by this illumination of the bamboo, it is worthy to consider on digging the inner sources of happiness.

Happiness with strong roots inward

As mentioned in the previous chapter, suffering is not related to tears alone for it might as well serve as an opening door to happiness. Managed properly, suffering even has the competence to present the more profound kind of happiness. We could say so because the happiness passed through the stairs of sufferings tends to root deeper than the one without such experience.

It would be even better if the sufferings have been passed through a more positive perspective, sufficient quality of the companionship with self and life, deeper understanding, and awareness that suffering is a substance for the evolution. As exemplified in numerous lives (notice the eight illustrations in the beginning of the first chapter), this kind of suffering frequently reveals the expression of happiness deeply rooted inward. It might as well weaken one’s ego and improve one’s acceptance toward life.

In this way of thinking, happiness actually owes a lot to suffering because it is suffering that gives strong and unshakeable roots to the forthcoming happiness.**) Unfortunately, most souls are unable to reach this stage. Suffering drowns a lot of people into the mud of life (as divorce, hatred, anger, frustration, and heartache), whereas some others are broken by anguish and do things as committing suicide, poisoning themselves, consuming drugs, and so on. Hence raises a fundamental question:  in what occasion does suffering be a growing substance for the strong roots of the upcoming merriment?

1. Training self to be contented

A master once revealed that no matter how rich you are, you would remain to feel poor if you never feel enough. On the other hand, no matter how poor you are, you would feel rich if you feel enough. This master’s wisdom is really challenging for modern people to embody the material of happiness which is deeply rooted inward: to feel enough! It is of course not a simple challenge especially in an era where most of the life aspects are so wildly driven by desires to always get more and even more. More than yesterday, more than our relatives, neighbors, colleagues, and so on.

Some people might put the blame on the advertising industry, television, immoral examples, and other “outer” reasons. However, it has to be admitted that the triumph in training self to always feel contented is the most fundamental point in this subject. Just as bad weather (an outer reason) might cause sickness if the body’s immunity (an inner aspect) is degenerates. The weather outside could not produce any impact to a body with excellent immunity (in our case; the feeling of contentment).

In this kind of consciousness map we could see that suppose a person wishes to develop a body of life with prime immunity that might prevent the outer weather from causing sickness, he/she has to learn keeping distance to all desires that come from both physical and non-physical factors. The physical desires are more likely to be renounced by those who like fasting, or at least frequently say “enough” to his/her physical wants. Working hard and doing greatest effort to make life more useful are good, but accepting the result with grateful expression is a wonderful inner root of happiness and liberation.***)

The desires of thoughts are easy to be relinquished by wisdom. Mind, as understood by many people, is dreadfully greedy to choose goodness over badness, righteousness over wickedness, and accomplishment over failure. If goodness, righteousness, and accomplishment are followed by happiness therefore their contraries are going to be followed by misery. Thus it is easy to presume that life will then constantly occupied with thirst for goodness, righteousness, and accomplishment.

On the other hand, wisdom is not indicated by the thirst for goodness, righteousness, nor accomplishment. Wisdom is already contented by the way it is. The sun shines in the day-time, the moon and the stars in the night-time, flowers bloom in their season, rain falls on its time, fish swim in the water, dogs run on earth, birds fly in the sky. Everything is just perfect as they are! Whoever arrives at this point will find out that happiness is no longer a rare and hard thing to be achieved.

2. Managing expectation

Expectation is indeed a kind of energy and it is also the one advancing the development of civilization from time to time. However, the truth  that  expectation  is  also  the  mother of disappointment is almost undeniable as well. Expectation causes many people to be consumed by sufferings. We are likely to be disappointed when our actions (as helping others, educating children, working hard, and even praying) are full with expectations.
This certainly does not mean to prevent people from having an expectation. As long as it is managed simply as a source of energy, expectation actually does not have too many harmful impacts. However, it might turn out to be dangerous once it develops into more than that, for expectation will then begin to transform into a very dictating force. It will always demand fulfillment. Hard work must always be followed by success, generosity has to be gratefully compensated in the future, and sending children to school should make them good. This is the beginning of the many disasters in life: expectation that demands to always be fulfilled.

Based on this kind of understanding toward life, many masters then train themselves austerely to place expectation only as a source of energy. Not more than that.  They still keep on working, helping people, and praying, but without  expectation  on  the result.  Liberating self from immense desires on results is the beginning of the happiness which is deeply rooted inward.****)

3. There is happiness within the journey

A friend once narrated a children story entitled ‘Peter and the Thread’. This Peter boy was happened to possess prosperous karma for most of his wants were granted by his parents and he was loved by his friends and teachers at school. Bored with this kind of easy life, he looked for something different in a forest. There he met a wizard who gave him a time machine that, unfortunately, could only work to bring him into the future.
So it was said that Peter started to do experiment with his life. Getting bored with the  present  time,  he activated the device and

leaped into his teenage where he met his future wife. His teenage jaded him, he proceeded to his adulthood and became a husband with four children. Getting tired with his adulthood, he reused the machine and now he was an elderly man. At this point, he realized that there were so many things in life that he forgot to be obliged for; the amusing childhood, cheerful adolescent, dating time that is full of love, and the early period of marriage full of adjustments. Suddenly he realized that he failed to love his mother, show gratitude to his father, and even to kiss his wife lovingly, for they were already passed away.

All at once Peter lamented the greed of life to hurriedly advance to the future. He ran to the forest and met the wizard, asked to be returned back to where he was. Peter was reversed as a child once more, now with understanding to live fully in his present time.

To be honest, there are too many people are like Peter; rushing to the future expecting that it has to be better than the present. And there are a lot of elders lament their late recognition on the numerous present times wasted without being enjoyed because of the rushing.

In other words, actually life should be similar to children taking a trip. They do not know how their destination looks like, yet they are singing along the way. We grown ups are supposed to be like that. We do not know how our old time is going to be, when we are going to depart this life, nor whether our children are going to remember us or not. Nevertheless, do not forget to be happy in this present moment.*****)

Here is the origin of the Eastern sages’ different perception on Nirvana, Mokhsa and Heaven. In their point of view, those “realms” do not have any relationship with death. They are here, in this present moment, in life that is free  from  defilements  (like   greedy  passions, anger, envy, and ignorance). This is also the reason why in English language “today” is termed as the present. It is a present given by God to us, and the best way to show our gratitude to God for this gift is by filling it with meaningful things and being grateful for whatever is taking place moment by moment. As have been explained in the previous chapter, we even have to be thankful to suffering and understand that it might also become a wonderful purifying instrument for our soul.

4. Love as a Source of Happiness

A meditation guide  once delivered three simple questions to his students: when is the most important time, who is the most important person, and what is the most important thing to be done. Simply and basically, the master then provided the answers: today is the most important time, because it is in this present day that we can do anything for our life. One may wants to be happy, sad, helpful for others, or be alone, are all optional. Therefore, many inner travellers believe that we choose to be happy. Happiness is an option, and the choosing is to be made right now. Not later.
The most important person is anyone around us in this present moment, because it is with him/her/them that we are creating the life. If you want to suffer then fight him/her/them. If you want to be happy, then learn to give him/her/them attention, smile, and aid.

The most important thing to be done is to care about all the people around us in this present moment; to be concerned that we are near him/her/them, to notice that everyone wants to be happy, and to understand that life is not easy. Only through affection to other people and other creations then the roots of life will be incredibly strong. As strong as bamboo tree in the previous discussion. Isn’t it caring that makes the roots of happiness in wonderful human beings like Mother Theresa, Mahatma Gandhi, Taj Mahal, and Saint Franciscus are as such immensely strong as they are?

Bernie Siegel,******) a medical doctor who has spent a lot of time in hospital curing numerous human’s physical bodies, finally surrendered to the fact that love heals. It is not only medicine that cures. Love cures as well. Love even offers healing with fewer side effects, and provides stronger basis for the healing. The vital essence in the love that heals is the caring nature to people and other beings. Tulku Thondup in ‘The Healing Power of Mind’ presented a series of assuring logic that “Accepting without blame is the true turning point of healing. It is the healing power of mind”.

This matter explains why people who own pet(s) tend to live longer, and why mothers who love their children have better health. It is also affection that caused a number of people suffering from cancer in the Netherlands gradually recovered upon conducting a number of service duties. Care to others is as well the one that bestows people serving in sacred sites with unlimited energy. And the most important thing is that love brings happiness.